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Hoy vamos a ver cómo escribir un ensayo que describa a una persona o un lugar. Lea el artículo y luego escriba su propia composición. Envíamelo (contact@profesornativogratis.com) y lo corregiré y comentaré por ti, ¡completamente gratis!
1. Describing People
Empecemos a ver lo que no debes hacer. Lee este texto:
My Best Friend (250-300 words)
“My best friend’s name is Stephen. He is tall and thin. He is strong. He has got brown eyes and brown hair and his hair is quite short and curly. Stephen is my friend because he is a good person he is happy and he helps me. He broke his leg once and he cried but he is usually a happy person.
He has got two sisters one older than him and one younger than him and he lives in the same town as me. We went to the same school together and he was very naughty, like me. Now he goes to University because he is very clever. He is bad sometimes but sometimes he is quiet and shy.
I met Stephen when I was six years old at school. At the beginning we weren’t friends but now we are because he is a good person and we always have a good time when we see each other. He smiles a lot but we don’t see each other very much now because he is at university and I am still in our town. It’s a bit sad I don’t see him so much but when we see each other we meet and have a drink and talk about things together and I like that.” (215 words)
¿Qué opinas de esta descripción? Gramaticalmente, es perfecto, tampoco hay errores de ortografía … pero no le daría más de 5/10. Estas son las razones:
Vocabulario básico
Gramática básica
Sin estructura
Repetición
No explica (¿Bueno? ¿Malo? ¿Inteligente? ¿Tranquilo? ¿Travieso? ¿Tímido? ¡Da ejemplos!)
Puntuación mal utilizada
Básicamente, esto falla porque no cumple la tarea, porque con esta descripción no sé como es Stephen. Así que intentemos de nuevo:
My Best Friend (250-300 words) [responsivevoice]
“I met Stephen on the first day of primary school. Although we live in the same town we had gone to different infants’ schools and we hadn’t known each other since then…..”
[/responsivevoice]
-¡Empezamos bien! Tenemos una estructura, lo que significa que sabemos lo que vamos a decir, lo cual es esencial.
Una estructura es básicamente una cuerda donde podemos colgar toda nuestra gramática, vocabulario, etc. Si no tenemos una estructura y no sabemos a dónde va la composición, vamos a repetirnos y el texto será muy básico: aquí, por ejemplo, ya hemos usado tres tiempos verbales (Presente Simple, Pasado Simple y Past Perfect) – más que todo el primer texto – y ahora podemos seguir usando Past Continuous….[responsivevoice]
“It was raining outside when we went into the classroom. I was feeling nervous and I wanted to sit next to my cousin Patrick, but Stephen – who knew him from infants’ school- was already there. I don’t remember what we said to each other but we were both punished- What a way to start school and start a friendship!”
[/responsivevoice]
-Es mucho más específico en sus detalles que el primer texto (y lo estoy inventando) lo que hace que sea mucho más fácil escribir más palabras, utilizando automáticamente una gama más amplia de gramática y vocabulario:[responsivevoice]
“Now me, Patrick and Stephen are best friends: we’ve had a lot of fun times together, and we’ve done a lot of things we shouldn’t have- knocking on people’s doors and running away, changing people’s washing with their neighbours’ – doing what kids do everywhere. We’ve had some bad times too- Stephen once broke his leg when we wanted to see who could climb a tree the fastest!”
[/responsivevoice]
-Tenemos una idea mucho mejor de Stephen y su personalidad. Gramaticalmente, hemos usado el Presente Perfecto y hemos puesto un Modal (debería) en el pasado.
-Hemos comenzado desde el principio, usando Pasado perfecto, Pasado simple y Pasado continuo. Hemos avanzado a tiempo para usar el Presente Perfecto. Ahora vamos a usar el tiempo presente y terminar con un futuro o / y una estructura condicional- no tiene que ser complicado.
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[responsivevoice]
“Although we were (and still are!) quite naughty together, Stephen is in fact quite shy- especially when he meets a girl! He’s good-looking: tall, slim with wavy, light brown hair and blue eyes, and I think girls like him because he has a very warm and friendly smile. We always make fun of him because he acts very politely. Really, Stephen is the type of person you can go to when you have a problem. He has helped me hundreds of times, lending me money, bringing and taking me to places, giving me good advice.”
[/responsivevoice]
-Ahora voy a incluir una comparación, que siempre da un factor extra a la composición.[responsivevoice]
“I am a lot more outgoing than he is. Stephen is quieter and he isn’t as impulsive. We don’t see each other as much as we used to- He studies Philosophy at Oxford University, and I’m working with my Dad. I’d like to think that even if life takes us on different paths, we’ll still meet up together in fifty years and laugh about that first argument we had together!”
[/responsivevoice]
(324 words)
-¡He excedido el límite de palabras! No es una buena idea, pero aquó te quiero demostrar que cuando pienses en lo que vas a escribir no tendrás problemas con las ideas (y recuerda: ¡esto está completamente inventado!)
Por otro lado, si comienzas a escribir lo primero que se te viene a la cabeza, la composición será pobre y terminarás perdiendo el tiempo en el medio, pensando: “¿Y qué escribo ahora?”
2.Describing Places
Barcelona is my favourite city. It is in the north-east of Spain on the coast and it is very big. It has got beaches, cathedrals and museums. You can see Gaudi’s architecture. The Sagrada Familia is very blablabla………
¡No está bien! Básicamente, el concepto básico de describir un lugar es lo mismo que describir a una persona, y debes seguir las mismas pautas:
– Piensa en una estructura (pasado-presente-futuro)
– Intenta incluir algunas comparaciones.
– No utilice solo una lista de adjetivos: justifique y demuestre cada uno con ejemplos.
– Repita lo menos posible, y nunca en el mismo párrafo.
– Use sus párrafos y puntuación para facilitar la lectura.
– Puede darnos una mejor idea si explica su relación con el lugar y lo que significa para usted personalmente.
My Favourite Place (250-300 words)[responsivevoice]
“I had been born just one month before my family packed their bags and we drove to Cornwall to visit my gran. Every year and every summer of my childhood this was repeated, and this county has always been for me a second home.
As a child, Cornwall meant wide beaches with terrific waves that knocked you over when you went into the sea, or smaller coves flanked by rocks, which left pools at low tide where you could look for crabs and shellfish. When I was a bit older my parents often left me with my brothers to walk along the coast, and in the evenings we used to eat pasties and icecreams in the fishing ports on the South coast.
As my parents now live there, it is still an important part of my life. I love the rough and wild landscape of the North side; up on the cliffs by the empty tin mine chimneys, looking down at the lines of white surf. I have got to know the South coast more, too- its softer lines and quieter coast, the impressive Falmouth bay, and the genteel elegance of the capital, Truro.
Cornwall isn’t for everybody- It is the rainiest region of a rainy island, and you can feel far away from the action and the events of England’s big cities. Everything seems slower, quieter and stuck in the past. If I was asked if I wanted to live there, at the moment my answer would be no- but I will always return to Cornwall, and Cornwall will always be with me.”
[/responsivevoice]
(266 words)
¿Que te parece? (No está inventado).
Observe la división de párrafos:
Breve introducción – Pasado – Presente – Comparación / Condicional / Futuro (incluyendo pasivo)
Entiendo que, siendo nativo, tengo una ventaja con el idioma. Poca gente que no sea nativo (y que no conozcan Cornualles) escribiría “calas… flanqueadas por rocas”,”…en los acantilados junto a las chimeneas vacías de la mina de estaño….”. Habla inglés (y no conoce Cornwall bien), pero no puedes usar esto como una excusa, porque las pautas generales que le he dado se pueden aplicar a cualquier nivel.
[widgets_on_pages id=”Donate”]3. ¡Te toca! Escribe tu propia composición. Envíamelo (contact@profesornativogratis.com) y lo corregiré y comentaré por ti, ¡completamente gratis!
Eliige uno de estos temas, al menos que ya tienes algo en mente:
- Someone who is an example for me.
- My best holiday destination.
- A friend I have lost touch with.
- A painting, building, or work of art.
Juan Carlos (Málaga)
Let me beging BEGIN by telling you that I had WAS born two years before when my family decided to pack their few possessions and move to Málaga, in order to search FOR a better life.
My whole life, I have lived here, (PREFIERO: ‘I have lived there my whole life‘) although I have travelled throughout all Spain and I have visited many countries.
Not only Málga is MÁLAGA a coastal city with nearly 600.000 inhabitants, but also a cultural place.
You can’t see such as wonderful Gaudi’s architecture like GAUDI´S La Sagrada Familia but you can visit our cosy Cathedral nicknamed “la manquita” and take a photograpy mounted in ON our donkEy which was made by Pimentel
I would like to point out that many foreign people come here in order to spend their winter season. Especially people who are living in the north of Europe, because they can’t stand the bitter winter in their countries, nor the scorching summers here
Talking about Málaga, you can also enjoy of its diverse gastronomy, culture, mood and kiNdness of their citizens
I remember that when I was a child, I used to bath in the Guadalmedina river, unfortunately nowadays it is totally dry
Were I a tourist, I would visit La Alcazaba ( a kind of citadel ) Picasso’s Museum-Birth House The Dock called Muelle 1, The Museum of popular Arts and Customs, and Aduana Museum, among others things
Another important issue to highline HIGHLIGHT is the prices, normally here you can get good value for money, hotels offer a wide range of services and in general it is difficult to bump into pricey sites, of course it depends on your own decisions
To sum up, and to made a long story short, I have to admit that I am firmly in love with my city
Analysis
Let’s correct a few mistakes and move on to the (many) positive aspects of the essay:
SUCH AS = (TAL) COMO, but SUCH +ADJECTIVE + NOUN = TAN
Cathedrals such as the Sagrada Familia = Catedrales como la Sagrada Familia
Such wonderful cathedrals = Catedrales tan marvillosos
With Inversions such as NOT ONLY, the Subject goes after the noun (as if it was a question); Not only is Málaga….but also…. For more information about Inversions, click here.
OK, let’s talk about the positive!
Good range of tenses and structures:
- Past Simple
- Present Perfect
- Inversion
- Used to + Would
- Second Conditional
Useful Phrases and Expressions:
- Let me begin by telling you….
- I would like to point out…
- Another important issue to highlight…
- …get good value for money…
- To sum up…
I miss a passive, eg: ‘Many new services for tourists have been introduced in the last few years….’
Instead of ‘You can visit..’ which is a bit basic, try ‘It’s worth visiting….’
Cities
To beging begin with, I am going to talk about different cities, wHich are very famous such as Paris, London, Rome or New York, and I have visited
I would like to point out that every city has its own identity. It is said that Paris is the city of the love. London, the megalopolis is widely recogniseD as the greenerEST metropolis in Europe
About Rome, IT is known as the eternal city. New York is a bustling city with many nicknames , Many people call it The City That Never sleeps
First of all I am going to start with New York , Not only was it the most impressive city I have ever been to, it was also the most expensive. However, under not NO circumstance you must miss out it, SHOULD YOU MISS OUT (ON IT). I can’t describe this city in a minute because it would be quite unfair.
Paris, what can I say about Paris? Although it is famous for Eurodisney, nonetheless is perhaps one of the less important places to visit, maybe its more MOST important monument is the Eiffel Tower. If you use the lift to go up the stairs you’ll enjoy of A wonderful cityscape and there is kind of window on the floor where you see people as an ant size SMALL AS ANTS.
Rome it is the city in where you miss your trainers the most, I mean there is so many places to visit that in the end you will COME back with the feeling that you have seen nothing. However, you always will ALWAYS remember its principal MAIN momuments. by the way don’t forget using TO USE long trousers, if you want to visit the Vatican, shorts are forbidden
Finally, I am going to talk about London, perhaps the city that I have visited on varios SEVERALoccasions
You can find whatever in it THERE, from eateries to five star restaurants,The Science Museum to Madame Tussaud or the London Eye
To cut a long story short, for me travelling is a pleasure, but you need a full of money wallet (or ‘a lot of money’) in your pocket
Analysis
There are some very nice touches. I especially liked:
- ‘I would like to point out…’
- ‘It is said…’
- ‘…is widely recognised / known as….’
- Inversion: ‘Not only was it……it was also…’
- ‘bustling’ = a more ambitious adjective.
- ‘To cut a long story short’
- Hardly any repition.
There were some good attempts that – although it wasn’t correct – were worth trying:
- ‘Under no circumstance’ is an inversion. For more information about inversions, click here.
- Phrasal Verb = ‘Miss out’
Just a couple of things you may want to look at to improve:
You chose the comparatives when a superlative was better. Here are some articles to help:
https://profesornativogratis.com/?s=superlative
Forget TO DO. The question of gerunds (-ING) and infinitves (TO ….) is complicated. I’ve spoken about it here:
Camila: Someone I admire
The most influential person in my life is my best friend, Sofia. The first time that I met her was when I started the colleague COLLEGE/SCHOOL. As Sofi comes from a little town, she hadn’t made friends yet, so I sat next to her and we started talking. I admire my friend because of her humility and kindness, as well as her strengths to face every obstacle in her life.
My best friend is a beautiful woman. She looks younger than most other girls in her ages OF HER AGE, since Sofia is medium height, neither tall nor short, she also has got HAS ALSO GOT an oval pale face with sparkling green eyes and a glossy wavy brown hair.
Furthermore, this girl is so kind to loved ones. She is one of the most generosity person GENEROUS PEOPLE I have ever met in my life, as well as her sympathy (THE MOST SYMPATHETIC?), she is always worried about other people and puts others’ priorities before hers. Nevertheless, if she is nervous or impatient, for example, Sofi crack their CRACKS HER knuckles or bites his HER fingernails.
My friend loves music. In her free time, likes spending time playing the guitar or singing.
All in all, I am glad to have Sofi as my friend, because I can learn every day how to be a good person. I truly enjoy her company.
Analysis
Again, let’s explain the mistakes and move on to the good points:
Colleague = Workmate (colega de trabajo). ‘College’ is an alternative to university, where you learn how to be a mechanic or an electrician, for example.
Also / Sometimes / Ever / Just / Only and most other adverbs follow a simple rule – Before the Verb, after To Be, and Between two parts:
- I also met David.
- I am also David’s friend.
- I have also seen David.
- I can also call David.
Remember, when you use a possessive (his, her, their) it depends on the person possessing, not (as in Spanish) objects or things possessed. If Sofi is a singular girl, you must always use ‘her’. It doesn’t matter that ‘knuckles’ or ‘fingernails’ are plural.
Okay – now for the good part! There were a lot of nice touches with ambitious structures:
- As Sofi came from a small town she hadn’t made any friends yet, so I sat next to her….
- ….as well as her strengths….
- ….since Sofia is medium height, neither tall nor short…
- Nevertheless…
- All in all…
And rich vocabulary:
- humility, kindness…
- an oval pale face with sparkling green eyes and
aglossy wavy brown hair…. - …cracks her knuckles or bites her fingernails.
This is FCE level, although I am just going to suggest a couple of ways to improve.
In your first paragraph you write, “I admire my friend because of her humility and kindness, as well as her strengths to face every obstacle in her life.”
Try to justify this. How is she humble and kind? Why do you say she is strong? Try to give examples.
I always like it if you can finish an essay with a future or a conditional. It gives another positive point to your text. For example “I am sure that while we keep in touch I will carry on learning a lot from my friend.”
But, all in all – very good!
Thank you for your essay. Is anyone else brave enough to try?
